"Show me the money!"

My Russian girlfriend (sunlightlady@gmail.com) is apparently starting to become concerned about money. She doesn't ask for any in this most recent email, but she clearly wants me to know that it's a problem. The good news is -- she's reading my emails! This is obvious from such comments as:

"I can say that I did receive all you sent, do not worry. I have to tell you that I like talking to you very much"

Good to know, as I was afraid some of my rat-n-fly references might have put her off.

And happily, she's NOT sending these emails to every Tom, Dick, and Desperate, as I had previously assumed. No indeed! As she says:

"I want you to know that I'm chatting only with you Dave."

How sweet!

Here is her most recent email:
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Hello my friend Dave!

How is the weather there? I hope not bad. You know the weather is very mutable this year. We had a lot of thaws this winter. It's abnormal. I think it's maybe a global climate change. Do you think that the climate is changing?

How are you today? Is there something new? Not much new here. I did not write yesterday because I studied for the whole day and I was very tired at the end of the day. Fortunately I have some time today to write. Like I told you before I'll have a test on Thursday. It's tomorrow already! You know we have a rule here: to not study in the day before the test to keep the head fresh. Do you have any rules like that? It would be interesting to know. Maybe any tricks on the tests? Please do not think that I'm going to trick the test commission. It is not my style. It is just my curiosity. Do people in America trick during the test at all?

You know here in Russia tricks are considered like a shame. Ok, enough for that. Dave I'm always glad to receive your letters(pics)! And I can say that I did receive all you sent, do not worry. I have to tell you that I like talking to you very much and I want you to know that I'm chatting only with you Dave. I really hope that we could be friends and you could help me to settle down. I think that you are very honest, loyal, pretty enough. I believe that you have a very kind and warm heart, and all that you wrote was sincerely. It's hard to propose right now but I think we could become more than friends in the future. Of course I'm aware that we have to know each other much better, to meet face to face firstly.

Only time will tell.

As for my agency it's a very reputable organization. They work for five years already and they sent many people not only to America or Canada. They send people to Australia, Europe and even to Japan! I just can't believe that somebody learned Japan language! It is so hard! Did you try it? Of course my agency is not working for free. I have already paid them $1000.00 dollars for the different paperwork like the preparing of foreign passport, visa, and my medic license and etc. If I will pass the test I'll get the international license and I will have to pay $1500.00 dollars else which will be for airfare and to the agency itself for their work. You know it's a lot of money for me; I suppose it's a lot of money even for America. I was told that if everything will go ok, I'll fly to America throughout 2 weeks counting from the day of the test! It will be by March 22! I also hope that your town or area will be acceptable. They told me that they will let me know later.

Dave, I attached a new picture for you. It was made last summer by my friend Katerina. I hope you like it.

Ok, I have to go now. Dave, I'm not sure that I'll be able to write you tomorrow since I'll have a test, but I'll try to drop you a line.

Sincerely

Your friend

Maria
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And here is my reply:

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Hi Maria!

Always a pleasure to hear from you. Your letters to me are as corpses to a funeral director!

I don't really buy into the whole "global climate change" idea. I think in reality we all just THINK it's hotter because we're wearing sweaters. One of these days we'll wise up and have a good laugh over the whole thing.

Nothing much new here. I've been diagnosed with inoperable brain cancer, but who hasn't, right? My dog died yesterday, but he was one of those yippy little irritant dogs so I don't really miss him. Truth be told, I may have contributed to his death. You're a medical worker, do you think stomping on a dog might harm him? What if it was done repeatedly, over the course of a year or two?

The best trick I know for passing a test is to make sure you drink plenty of alcohol beforehand. If you're really stinkin' drunk, you'll do very well. Or perhaps you only feel like you did well. Or perhaps you don't care. I'm pretty drunk right now, so I really don't care. Good luck with it though!

>> I think that you are very honest, loyal, pretty enough.

Thank you for this. I certainly strive to be honest. Well, "strive" may be too strong of a word. And "certainly" is probably not right, either. In fact, I'm not sure "honest" belongs in there. Moving on...

And for the record, I think you're "pretty enough" too.

Listen, if you need money, I'm here for you. Don't let a buck or two prevent you from fulfilling your dream to come to America. Whatever you need -- a nickel, a quarter, even a dollar -- I can take care of it. Just let me know.

I have to go bury my dog now, so I'll let you go.

With profound admiration,

Dave
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The "I need money" bomb has got to drop soon. She hasn't read any of emails to this point; will she read the ones after she starts asking for cash? We shall see!